What if?

Do you ever wonder how different life can be? If you didn't go to a certain party, met that certain someone or something major in your life happened differently or didn't happen at all. It's a strange life we lead and I'm a firm believer in that everything happens for reason. Even though it seems like the worse time of your life, it'll make you stronger and better person for it.

Life can change in a matter of seconds, that scares me. One decision can change everything. 
Imagine I done well in school? Got all the best GCSE results, actually done my full A Levels. You can read my story with education here. Wonder what course I would've picked? It's so hard to decide what you want to decide to do in life as it, nevermind at 18/19. I don't think I could've handled uni tbh. Now I'm 22, I've matured a lot since I left school 4 years ago now. If I was to go back and change anything about my education then, I wouldn't. I am where I am because of it.

If there would be one thing I would go back and change though, just to spend more time with loved ones. The ones who aren't here anymore. What if we knew what day would be their last, those last conversations. To savour every last moment. Because let's be honest grief is a bitch, simple as that. It's been 3 years since my Daddy passed, I'd just love 5 mins to catch up with him. From family life or just those stupid things, you want to talk to Daddy about. Everyone processes grief so differently, it never really ends. 

Every Christmas Eve, we would've brought my Granny, aunt and uncle their presents. So this year is the first year, we won't get to do that. Losing my Granny was one of the strangest, heartbreaking things I've gone through. She was the heart of our whole family, not seeing someone who has been in my life since day 1. I hate it. I loved talking about books with Granny, I think that's where I get my love of reading from. It's something I'll always remember and take with me the rest of my life.

We can all ask what if? But don't let it hold you back in life. Enjoy life and the ones around you, it might not always be what you want. But it will get better. I just wanted this post to remind you, you're not alone when you are feeling like this. I'm always here if you want to chat or just to let out some steam.

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